The Best, Sure-Fire Way For A Husband To Hinder His Prayers Is…
7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
Peter counsels men to live with their wives as a family, not as a “tyrant” or “lord of the universe”. Many men believe that because they are the head of the household, that they are the “dictator-in-chief”. But God says:
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Rather than taking on the role of “overlord of the galaxy”, men are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. He DIED for her:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
Men should learn their wives, studying them like a student in post-graduate studies takes the time to learn their subject so well that they are eventually awarded a Doctorate Degree. In the same way, men should study their wives and know them so well that they know just about everything about her. If you know your wife, you will be better prepared to understand how she will respond to any set of circumstances, and know her likes/dislikes, hot-buttons (the things that trigger a strong, emotional response that should be avoided at ALL costs), and everything else that she responds to.
In other words, live with her in an amicable way, showing deference to her preference whenever possible…
Do you like to be treated with respect? What man doesn’t? If men want to be respected by their wives, should they not respect their wives as well? How does a man respect his wife? He lays down his life for her:
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
For a man to respect his wife, he must love his wife. Not the way that he thinks of love, but how she thinks of love. That’s why men must put in the time and effort to get their Doctorate Degree in their wives. In order to love your wife, you must first understand how she perceives love.
To be sure, romance novels, television, and culture portrays this version of love in such a way that the man somehow has mental telepathy and is able to discern out of thin air the very thoughts of the woman of his affection and then responds with lavish gifts grand entries, always dressed just right,and always saying just the right words to give her that feeling that she is intimately known and cherished. Good luck with that. While ideal, the Bible says:
For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.
But that doesn’t mean that a person isn’t able to reasonably guess if they understand how to interpret the clues… (Ladies, this is a HINT: Don’t be coy: Yes means yes, and No means no. Mixed signals may seem like a good idea to test whether a man truly knows their woman, but is God ever deceitful* to test us?)
Women are heirs with men in the kingdom of God. They are to be treated as the weaker vessel, not as inferior. Silk is strong, soft, luxurious, and great for making sheets, shirts, and other items. Steel is strong, hard, durable, and bright. However, most people would never consider wearing steel wire braided into cloth for underwear (except as body armor, and only with something a little more soft underneath that…). In the same way, silk, although strong (spider silk is at least as strong as steel cable in the same diameter…), is not as durable. Femininity (not militant feminism, as defined in culture) is to be treasured for its soft, supple, warm embrace. To despise it because it is “weaker” is foolish.
God has given His gracious gift of salvation to both men and women, and makes not distinction of separation between them (with regards to respect, for God is not a respecter of persons):
There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
Since God has done this, should men not treat women as equal but different?
And here is the consequence. For men who are married, do not expect that God will listen to your prayers if you are not “being considerate as you live with your wife.” God will not tolerate a man who professes that he knows God, and then treats his wife in a disrespectful, unloving way. That is the surest way to slam close the doors of heaven for prayer.
Husbands, if your prayers seem to be hitting the ceiling and bouncing right back down, consider that you may need to re-evaluate your relationship with your wife.
Wives, if your husband is trying to reconcile and show you love, will you forever despise him for his mistakes, never forgiving him for his errors? Will you spurn him to punish him because you are hurt? Do you want his prayers to be answered by God (what if he is praying for you…)? If so let God work in him to change him, and take it upon yourself to help your husband to know you better. Men are terrible guessers. Be direct; it may not feel romantic, but it certainly will help your husband to better understand your needs. (And remember – just because every other woman in the UNIVERSE can understand your needs and desires merely by the way that you ask questions with nuance doesn’t mean that your husband has the God-given ability to discern these things [even if the men riding in shining armor on horses in books and movies appear to be able to do so]…) Also remember, once your husband starts to submit to you and love you like Christ loves the church, God will answer his prayers, especially if they are to reconcile you to him…
A Qualifying Question
Husbands, let’s ask a question: Am I loving my wife as Christ loved the church?
Wives, let’s ask a question: Am I communicating my needs and desires clearly and concisely in such a way that my husband will be able to clearly understand them?
A short prayer of preparation:
Father in Heaven, You have made men and women different yet equal. Each have a unique perspective with strengths and weaknesses. Help me, Father, to fulfill my role in every relationship in a way that shows both love and respect. Help me to submit to one another in Christ, displaying before the world the peace and servant’s heart that Jesus Christ displayed when he washed the disciples’ feet. Show me how to better serve and communicate with my family, and the family of the church body. Help remove any stronghold of thought that the world, the flesh, or the devil has placed in my head and heart that has taken root that may be hindering my relationships with others. Help me to put Your love on display for all to see. This I ask in Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Notes: This blog has been edited for spell errors and clarity
*Here is a hypothetical situation in the form of a conversation:
Wife: Do you feel like eating out tonight?
(What she REALLY means: “I have had a tough day. The last thing that I want to do is slave over a hot stove for the next hour or so in order that we can have a morsel of food. Why don’t we get out and have a romantic night on the town? I’m going to play the Romantic Guessing Game with you now. Be on guard – you are being TESTED! And you better pass if you want me to be affectionate with you later…”)
Husband (response 1): Not really
(What he REALLY means: “I had a long day at work. The last thing that I want to do is go home, shower, drive for an hour, wait for an hour, then eat at a restaurant that is over-priced with so many people talking and distractions everywhere… All I want to do is go home and relax my brain…”)
Husband (response 2): Sure, where would you like to go?
(What he REALLY means: “Sure. Where would YOU like to go?” BTW, most men won’t turn down the opportunity to eat at a restaurant unless there is something dire going on in their life that is sucking the very life out of them, or they are financially destitute at the time…)
Wife: Oh, anywhere will be fine.
(What she REALLY means: “You know perfectly well where I like to eat. Pick the romantic restaurant with flowers, music, entertainment, and coziness that I have already picked out in my mind, [restaurant q], so that I can feel loved and appreciated by you.”)
Husband: OK, how about [restaurant x]?
(What he REALLY means: “OK, how about [restaurant x]? [Wow! She is letting me pick! How very gracious of her!]”)
Wife: No, I don’t really want to go there
(What she REALLY means: “OK, it’s time to flex those romantic muscles. Think REALLY hard, and empathically sense which restaurant I have already picked out in my mind, because we are so emotionally tuned together, and I know you will be able to guess it right because YOU LOVE ME SO MUCH…”)
Husband: Uh, OK. How about [restaurant y]?
(What he REALLY means: “Uh, OK. How about [restaurant y]?”)
Wife: (sounding a little dejected) No, I really don’t want to go there.
(What she REALLY means: “I can’t believe you didn’t empathically guess right! Maybe we aren’t as emotionally close as I thought we were… I’ll give you another try [deep sigh…]”)
Husband: All right. How about [restaurant z]?
(What he REALLY means: “How about [restaurant z]?”
Wife: (Sounding depressed) Never mind. Let’s just whip something up here at home.
(What she REALLY means: “How could he be such an unfeeling oaf? Could I have been ANY MORE OBVIOUS that I wanted to go to [restaurant q]? Does he even know ANYTHING about me? He NEVER picks the right restaurant when we play Romantic Guessing Game. He must not really care about me. I guess I’ll just be the dutiful wife and slave over the oven to feed him, the unromantic buffoon…”)
A better way this conversation could have gone…
Wife: I have had a tough day today. I would really like to get dressed up and go the that nice, fancy restaurant, you know, [restaurant q]. That would really make me feel loved and appreciated.
(What she REALLY means: “I have had a tough day today. I would really like to get dressed up and go the that nice, fancy restaurant, you know, [restaurant q]. That would really make me feel loved and appreciated.”)
Husband: Gorgeous, I love you so much! Of course that would be fine with me! Let me get showered, shaved, and spruced up for you, my beautiful buttercup! AS YOU WISH…
(What he really means: “I love you so much that I will offer my body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God as my spiritual act of worship. You have shown me your preferences, and given me a deeper understanding into your heart, which I am trying to learn and discern as part of my Doctorate Degree training that I am deeply engaged with you. Now that I know exactly what you want, I can act on that and make it happen, for I know that it will bring great joy to you, even if I am tired and exhausted. I want to submit to you, and am willing to make the necessary sacrifices to ensure that you feel loved by me. I look forward to meeting your emotional, relational, and physical needs as you reveal them to me clearly. Thank you so very much for letting me know!”)